We’ve got something new to share with you. Well, it’s not new, but it’s well known. In 1997, Apple began an ad campaign that challenged the computer hardware and software industry to “Think Different”. Though this grammatically-challenged statement is inspiring, we wholeheartedly disagree.
It’s become clear to us that maybe we should think the same. Perhaps we shouldn’t keep pressing ourselves to innovate within our product space, perhaps we should just stop and take a breath of fresh air. Maybe we shouldn’t keep trying to make our software easy to use, and just focus on making it so it can be used in a somewhat limited and very frustrating manner. After All, this whole “moving into the cloud” thing; what is a cloud anyway?! A bunch of wisps of water vapor, a few water molecules hanging about in the sky? Sounds messy to us, so we’re moving forward by moving backward. Addition by subtraction = the future.
Introducing Nimble Here.
So you’re probably wondering what Nimble Here is. No worries, we’re not banging rocks together over here; this is good old fashioned technology we’re talking about. Nimble Here is our new on-premise server based solution. No more of this AMS in the cloud business. You can run your own server wherever you can find space enough to stick the thing. You say you want to run Nimble AMS on your MS-DOS 6.1 system and interface completely via command line; Nimble Here is the product for you. That’s right, all the benefits of on premise servers all at the tip of your fingers. Don’t believe us? Take a look at this bulleted list:
- Heavy gray or black boxes that can be placed in any corner, closet, or dusty desktop of your choice.*
- Power cords that are easily tripped over, cut, or mistaken to be the cord for the desk lamp on or next to one’s desk.
- Air vents capable of clogging within 24 hours, depending on the demands of your Nimble AMS implementation or whether the person sitting next to the server is a pet owner.**
- Easily upgraded by a team of certified technicians during 2-6 hour blackout windows, perfect for half days of little to no productivity.
- Software upgrades are easy using our 345 page step-by-step instructional booklet and included 45 Nimble® Brand floppy disks.
- Forget about Graphical User Interfaces, mice, trackpads and all of that fancy hardware; Nimble Here is a command line based AMS. Using the new Nimble AMS Universal Search, finding a member has never been more advanced. Simply type C:mblhr.exe -ln Smith -fn Joe into your terminal and watch that hard drive spin.
- Supports slightly maintainable operating systems such as AmigaOS4, MS-DOS 6x, and older, and OS/2 1.x (Windows 1.0 support coming soon)***
* Nimble Here servers are not compatible with coffee spills.
** Clogging time varies based on percentage of crashes and accidental cord unplugs. See Appendix c, “Oops, someone unplugged my AMS” for more details.
***Nimble Here will not function alongside anti-malware and antivirus software.
It’s clear to us now, the future is here; like literally, in your building. That black box that is plugged in next to the water cooler, with the ficus on top. You know, the one no one really knows what it’s doing. That’s the future, right there.
If you’d like to move from the cloud to your on premise server please contact your customer care manager at your earliest convenience. Once we’ve received notification, we will begin downloading all your data and copying it onto a few hundred Nimble® Brand floppy disks. Don’t worry about transition time, once the Nimble® Brand floppy disks arrive, a server with two floppy drives will be up and running in a few short weeks.
NOTE: Backup cassettes and updates are available at a substantial additional cost. Speak with your customer success manager for cost and downtime estimates.
So enough of this cloud thing. The reliability, scalability, usability, and seamless upgrades are just not all that great. The future was 5-10 years ago, so let’s take this stroll down memory lane together as we try to push the AMS from yeah! to meh…