(Please note that all names have been redacted to protect the identities of all involved.)
The post read as follows:
1:55 – [REDACTED]
“Opinions Wanted. How do people feel about moving away from doing cakes in conjunction with staff meetings? Alternatively we could celebrate bdays/anniversaries with a monthly brunch (bagels, breakfast fare etc). My thoughts behind this: have another gathering time with one another outside of the staff meeting time, support a healthy culture etc. We could still do the usual cookies with the sandwiches etc. but just not the full cakes each month. Chime in.”
It’s worth calling out a few phrases that lead to this incident that would live in infamy. Phrases like “How do people feel about moving away from doing cakes” and “just not the full cakes” stirred such a response that no one Nimbler will ever be the same again. Nimblers from all over did, in fact,”[c]hime in” with opposing comments like:
2:29 – [REDACTED]
“boo to no cake.”
2:32 – [REDACTED]
2:33 – [REDACTED]
“[REDACTED], you are going to create a revolt in the Services/Support area if you take away all our junk food.”
2:36 – [REDACTED]
“moar food. Cake AND breakfasts!”
It was noted at 2:47 by the Nimbler who wrote the offending post that things were not “going well”. Things “went from getting rid of cake to ‘cake, cake, more cake'” and the gloves where off when one even challenged whether lighter fare could even be considered “healthier”.
From between 3:04 to 3:09 Nimbler support for the cause wavered as the conversation drifted into discussion of “continental breakfast”, “breakfast pizza”, and “march[ing] down the canal”. The revolt seemed to be over, when suddenly, at 3:09, a brave Nimbler exclaimed “Cake. All day, errday!”
Under the weight of this brave yet daunting new challenge, a leader among the Nimblers publicly removed herself from the struggle, and refused to be involved in the conflict. While some chose this noncommittal route, others tried to suggest cake alternatives, to no avail.
At this point it was clear that NimbleUser would not fair this rebellion without the continued support of confectionary concoctions at every staff meeting. In an attempt to move past the conflict and set things straight, a public apology was issued to the staff in the form of a image posted on Chatter at 3:26:
3:30 – [REDACTED]
“The cake is a lie!”
3:30 – [REDACTED]
“[REDACTED] I don’t accept your fake apology! Cake apologies are to be made with actual cake!”
With this truth ringing out, it was not until 3:36 that this incident was officially named #TheGreatCakeRevoltOf2014, and so it is known to this day.
It goes without saying that the very next staff meeting had a very large cake, though hardly anyone ate any of it. This truly illustrates that the revolt does not serve as proof that Nimblers actually eat cake, but that they want the option to do so. There are many things that Nimblers are very good at doing, and there is one thing that should never be kept from them: Qu’ils mangent de la brioche “errday”!